What I Deserve
by Nature9000
Summary: Jonah and Valerie have never been able to forget the mistake they made, and in punishing themselves they've allowed their peers to control their guilt and their sorrows, left only to question if it is in fact their sin that should define them. Do they deserve this life of ridicule, or do they deserve to forgive themselves when those they hurt in the past have already done so?


What I Deserve

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly

A/N:You know, I'd really love to see someone actually make a Jalerie video, lol. That would be unique, actually. Pity I can't make one…but I do take pride in creating the pairing ^_^. I assume by now you know this will be my new account.

A/N: **2013 Authornote another thing moved from the King Nate account, I may be deleting the story off that one but I am not sure. It wouldn't be good to have duplicates in the search now would it? You'll enjoy this one, I hope. Everything is still what was done in 2009, I haven't rewritten it-though I could I really could.**

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-SHUNNED AND ALONE, IS IT TRULY, WHAT THEY DESERVE?-

Valerie didn't want to go to school today, she honestly didn't. Of course, it had been that same way for months, ever since what she had done to Freddie. Everyone knew, it wasn't like it was some big secret that she had tried to destroy iCarly by using Freddie. That plan didn't really work, and now that she had a better head on her shoulders, she realized that she never should have done something like that in the first place. However, it wasn't like people were ever going to let her down for it. Oh no, the tormenting began when Freddie broke up with her and it never ended.

Every day she would go to school, she'd have to be called names such as 'bitch', and several other things that kids could pull out of their ever angered and crazed minds. She could do nothing but close her eyes and listened. After all, she deserved every ounce of it, that's what she believed. Wasn't anything sacred anymore, though? Since when was it anyone else's business what had gone on in someone's relationship. Of course, it had been easy to find out what she had been doing, people just had to pay attention.

Valerie stood in front of the school doors and took a deep sigh, she really didn't want to enter the building. She looked to her right and caught a glimpse of a boy standing on the sidewalk with his hands in his pockets and his head tilted skyward, a closer look and she might have recognized him. All she knew was kids were picking on him too for some reason. She turned back to the school doors and entered. She had no more friends there, they all had since abandoned her when she decided to play that cruel trick on Freddie and iCarly.

_"Why did I do it, anyway?"_ Valerie thought as she walked down the halls, hearing the catcalls and insults being hurtled her way. Students where whispering, but she knew all too well what it was they were saying behind her back. _"I'm a bitch. I deserve to be alone, don't I? I don't deserve happiness, this is my punishment…this is what I deserve."_

She pressed her back against her locker and held her books close to her chest. As she closed her eyes and listened to the kids whispering about her, she let her tears flow freely. She shouldn't care, but she did. Maybe she was destined to be alone. After all, what person would want to be with her knowing she had used someone. Though she promised herself she would never make that mistake again, it didn't change the fact that she had already done it and could never erase the past.

She didn't need anyone's pity, she didn't need anyone's sorrow, she just wanted people to leave her alone. It was something that wouldn't happen, not as long as people didn't forget. They wouldn't forget what she had done to Freddie and they were not going to dare to let her forget. This was something she would experience all her life. She may feel remorse, but would there really ever be anyone who could care enough about her to let her show she changed? Didn't she deserve another chance? Was she not a human with feelings as well, despite seeming cold and heartless before?

"No," She whimpered under her breath as she sank to the floor. "This is what I deserve." She opened her eyes and saw a blonde haired girl staring at her. It was Sam. She was shaking her head and walking away. Valerie had to admit to herself, she thought she looked pitiful, and Sam probably thought the same of her. However, in the mass of kids making up rumors about her and several lies, had Sam really ever joined in? Who was to say, who was to care?

Valerie slowly picked herself up and wiped her tears. She didn't know why she was crying when she had always sworn to never let things like this trouble her before. Perhaps it was for the best that she not go to school today. After all, it wasn't like anyone would miss her. She just wanted to get away from it all, to not have to deal with the kids calling her so many names. She didn't know if they ever would, though. If they didn't, so what, she deserved every ounce of harsh treatment she got. At least, that was what she always believed.

"Look, there goes the whore," One person said while pointing at her as she left. She closed her eyes and decided to ignore the student. She brushed right past him and bumped into another, not realizing that her bracelet had fallen off of her wrist in the process. She immediately rushed out of the school building and moved on down to the park, hoping to catch some peace and quiet there. If anything, at least she wouldn't be called a bitch for a while. _"Maybe I shouldn't leave school. After all, this hell…to be alone…isn't it what I deserve?"_

-NEW SCENE-

Jonah walked toward the school building and frowned, he hated being there. Who wouldn't hate being to a place where they were constantly reminded of how great a bastard they were? Yes, he knew what he had done to Sam was wrong, and he wanted desperately to be allowed to move on. However, he didn't believe he deserved to move on and to forget, and apparently neither did the student body at the school.

No, nothing was sacred, not anymore. It wasn't like Sam and Freddie had announced it to the world that he tried to cheat on her with Carly, they hadn't done it intentionally at least. Freddie had started attacking Jonah verbally and telling him how wrong of him it was for him to do what he did, he had forgotten the camera was still going at the time. Everyone knew, now everyone made his life a living hell.

"It's what I deserve, isn't it?" Jonah muttered under his breath. The kids always told him that once a cheater, always a cheater. They didn't believe he could change, and they sure as hell didn't think Jonah would ever find the right woman. They were wrong, people could change if they willed it, and he wanted to change so badly. He was scared, though. After all, what girl would want to be with a person who had tried to cheat on his girlfriend?

Jonah stopped and sighed as he looked into the sky, he questioned why the fates had it out to screw him over with a rusty spoon. He wanted to change, he wanted to believe there was someone out there that would care and that he knew he would screw the chances of having a good relationship with. No, he was a bastard, that's what they said. He was a bastard and he deserved to be alone for the rest of his life.

He sighed and looked over at the doors, seeing a familiar brunette walking in. He shrugged and followed her inside the school, then moved to his locker. Someone walked up to him and asked if he was thinking of ever getting a girl and that they thought he shouldn't, since he'd probably manage to wreck that relationship. The person laughed and walked off, it was just yet another big time crack that someone was going to have at him. He could hear people surrounding him, whispering, but of course, he knew all too well what those whispers were for, and what the words were that were being uttered by these senseless children.

He punched an angry fist into his locker and glared at the people around him, they laughed and his eyes narrowed. It wasn't like he was going to do much anyway, they didn't perceive him to be a threat.

"Let's leave the dick alone," One kid said with a smirk. Jonah sighed and the group left. He looked over and saw Freddie staring at him and slowly shaking his head. Freddie left and Jonah shifted his eyes forward, he hated every bit of this. He started walking off when the girl he saw earlier had bumped into him and ran off. He would have normally ignored it, but he noticed she had dropped her bracelet.

_"She probably won't want to lose this."_ Jonah bent over and picked up the bracelet. He then moved outside the school and saw the girl making her way toward the park. He quickly followed after her, hoping to return her item as soon as he could.

-NEW SCENE-

Valerie moved to a rock beside a waterfall and sat down on it, it seemed to be a calm and peaceful place. It was a place away from the school where she had people always making fun of her and calling her names, which was something she hated more than anything. She clenched her jean cloth in her hands and stared at the muddy grass beneath her feet.

"What do I deserve, anyway?" Valerie asked in a quiet voice. "I used someone. I broke someone's heart. Now I have to hear people tell me how great of a fat, ugly bitch I am and that I'll be single all my life!" She crossed her arms and sighed. It wasn't like she didn't agree with that anyway, she was one in her mind. "Who am I kidding? It's what I deserve. I deserve to be alone." She moved her head to her hands and sobbed slightly, ignoring the wet sound of footsteps behind her.

"I don't think anyone deserves to be alone," A voice stated. Valerie gasped and looked up. She turned her head and saw Jonah standing with his hands in his pocket. "Oh!" He quickly pulled out a bracelet from his pocket and held it out. "You dropped this." Valerie blinked and stared at the bracelet in silence, shocked that someone would bother returning something of hers. She took the item and smiled softly.

"Thanks." Jonah nodded and looked at the raging waterfall. He appeared to be deep in thought. Valerie immediately recognized him, and she was sure he recognized her. He did, why wouldn't he? "You're Jonah Brown…" He shifted his eyes over to Valerie and then back to the water.

"Yes, and you're Valerie Williams. What else is new?" Valerie chuckled and slowly shook her head. She wasn't going to judge Jonah, not for something he had done in the past. She sincerely believed that people could change, but then, she did have doubts if that were completely true. She knew she could and would change, but no one would give her that opportunity.

"I'm not going to judge you, Jonah." Jonah raised his eyebrow and looked to Valerie. He wouldn't judge her either, not when he was almost in the same boat as she was. He closed his eyes and felt the cool breeze blowing through his hair.

"That's your choice. I really don't care anymore." Valerie tilted her head and Jonah crossed his arms. He narrowed his eyes and stared straight ahead. "People in school, they're ignorant and often just a bunch of immature assholes. They do stupid things and they don't let anyone forget or move on. Someone does something stupid as hell and they will never be allowed to forget."

"It can get hectic sometimes…"

"Yeah, but I'm at the point where I don't think I'm going to let it bother me anymore." Was that possible, though? Valerie looked down and frowned, she wasn't sure if it was possible at all. She tried to not let it bother her, but it always did no matter what she did to counter the verbal assaults.

"How can you say that? I mean, for me, I live in the guilt and shame of what I did…then the students just add to it." Jonah gave a brief nod and sighed. It wasn't like there would ever be complete and total relief from the guilt. If the students would just leave them alone, then maybe they could try to live peacefully.

"Let me guess, they treat you like an outcast? They treat you like you've got some sort of blemish and you can't escape their wrath no matter what they do…" Valerie nodded and Jonah scoffed. She could see why he would, since she knew full well she was practically in the same boat as he was. "It's hell these bastards want to put us through…they probably don't think that we can redeem ourselves."

"But it's not like they'd let us…I mean they'd never let us over our guilt." She let a tear roll from her eye as she shut her eyes and sighed softly. "I just want a chance to have a second chance, but I don't think I deserve it. This is what I deserve, this pain."

"Don't say that!" Valerie looked at Jonah quickly, slightly taken aback by his tone.

"But…"

"What do we deserve, Valerie? Sure, we deserve the guilt we feel. I mean, what we did _was_ wrong. However, _no one_ deserves what these people are putting us through. I'm getting tired of having to deal with it, but I know I'll probably have to deal with it for quite some time…but everyone, Val…_everyone_ deserves another chance." Valerie sat in silence, listening to Jonah's words and processing them in her mind. Jonah turned his head and looked into her soft brown eyes. "Sure, there's the fear, but there's also the thing keeping the fear from happening…what is your fear? I'll tell you what mine is. My worst fear is that I can't change, that I would hurt another girl."

"But would you?"

"I wouldn't let myself." Valerie raised her eyebrow and Jonah crossed his arms. He sighed and closed his eyes. "I don't want to ever deal with that again, therefore I _know_ that I can change. Really, if we will ourselves to change, then we can."

"Right…" Valerie didn't want to hurt another person the way she did Freddie. She wasn't like that, she didn't like being cruel like that. She didn't know what she was thinking when it happened, and she desperately wanted to change it. "I…you think I deserve a second chance?" Jonah nodded and smiled softly.

"I think everyone does."

"But if I try…they'll just make fun of me and say that I'd hurt the person again. They'd say I'm just using him…"

"Yeah, well if I got a girlfriend, they'd probably choose to say I'd try and cheat on her when I know full well that I wouldn't." Jonah looked to Valerie for a few silent moments and smiled as an idea came to him. "What do you say we prove them wrong?" She glanced at him with a confused look, she didn't know exactly what he was talking about. "What do you say we prove that we can change for the better? How about it, just you and me, proving the world wrong?"

"I…I don't know…is that your way of asking me out or something?" Jonah smirked and tilted his head slightly to the side.

"I don't know, maybe it is and maybe it's not. If I am, I know you're not using me and you know that I won't desert you. What reason would I have to do that? Anyone who calls you a bad thing, I'll punch them out."

Valerie laughed slightly and slowly stood up. She didn't think she deserved to date, but maybe that was a sign that she needed to. Maybe Jonah could prove to her that dating was actually worth it. She actually thought Jonah was cute, so maybe it would work out. Jonah smiled at her and gazed back into her eyes. He thought she was cute, and she was very attractive. He knew that if he got into a relationship with her, he was going to make sure he never hurt her. How could he hurt someone so innocent, so sweet, and so fragile?

"If we date, would you promise never to hurt me?"

"Not with intention. I don't see how I could hurt you willingly, you don't deserve to be hurt. You deserve happiness." Valerie smiled sweetly and Jonah thought for a moment that he might turn to putty under her smile. "So…what do you like doing in your free time?"

"I like to cook."

"Awesome! Damn, my mother would love you." Valerie laughed and Jonah gave her a quick hug. "So, what are you doing this Friday?" Valerie thought for a moment and hummed, she was pretty much free on Friday. Her eyes brightened and Jonah felt his stomach jump up. It was amazing, he hadn't actually ever felt that feeling before.

"I'm not doing anything interesting that day."

"So then would you like to go see a movie with me? Perhaps we could go have dinner, check out a movie, then head over to the skating rink…assuming you know how to skate."

"I do."

"Good, cause I'm not that great." Jonah made a funny frowning face, causing Valerie to giggle in response. She liked the date he had in mind.

"I think it'll work out just fine. So…what happens when we go back to school?"

"Well…" Jonah rubbed his chin and shrugged his shoulders, he figured they'd do best to just ignore what the people said. Besides, there was no way that what the kids said would hold any water. "Anyone that says something bad about you is going to receive a black eye or broken bone complimentary of me." He grinned and Valerie put a hand to her mouth, concealing a small smile.

"Isn't that a bit mean?"

"Well hey, they're the ones being mean. I don't care what they say about me, they just better not be saying anything bad about you." Jonah glanced at his watch and made a humming sound. "Well, we can either go back to school or skip the rest of the day…what do you say?"

"I say we go back. Who cares what the people say, I just think it'd be bad if we didn't get to our classes." Jonah nodded and took her hand in his as he ran with her back to the school. They laughed out loud, not really laughing at anything but the fun they were having while running.

"You know, we should try to apologize to Sam and Freddie while we're at it. What do you think about that?" Valerie nodded in response, she couldn't agree more with that. Plus, it would clear her conscience in a way. "I bet we could be great friends one day."

"I'd love to be their friends." They stopped running as they made it to the schoolyard, they spotted Sam and Freddie sitting on the school steps. The two were talking about something, about what, they didn't know. Jonah smiled and led Valerie over to them. This was what they deserved. They deserved a couple good friends, they deserved forgiveness, they deserved to be happy like everyone else, and they deserved each other and a second chance.

Sam and Freddie would forgive them and become good friends, then they would tell people over iCarly to stop messing with Jonah and Valerie. Then people would stop, or else Jonah and Sam would beat people up. Needless to say, people did stop messing with them and they would soon begin to have a good life. Even years down the road, Sam and Freddie were still their greatest friends. Freddie had stood right next to Jonah when he proposed to Valerie. Sam had helped Valerie plan everything about the wedding, and she even managed to be Valerie's matron of honor at the wedding ceremony. Thinking back on their life as they grew old, with Freddie and Sam right by their side, they always thought the same thing.

_"It's what I deserve now."_

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I hope you liked that, I rather enjoyed writing it. However I didn't write it for my enjoyment, I wrote it for yours, so let me know what you thought and I will dance around for an hour...okay I won't do that, but either way, drop a review!

**A/N In 2013, I still won't dance around for an hour, not even for peanuts-ooh look a peanut! *dances***


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